Over the last two years I have experanced a strange series of dreams. They started when a question was first asked of me. Would I be willing to relocate back to Michigan?
I was born in Plainwell, Michigan, most of my family still lives in Michigan, and I have done my very best to stay the hell out of Michigan. But my grandparents are getting older as people tend to do. So my parents asked one day if I would consider moving back to take care of them.
My grandparents are by no means helpless. My grandfather still works, not because he has to, but because he wants to. He loves what he does. He is where I got my passion from. I'm determined to get a job I love because I want to be happy working again.
My grandmother... Well, she is... My grandmother us a giant pain in the ass. Think of a disease, I'll wait. Seriously, any disease, got one? Yeah, she's had it. Or someone she was very close to died of it.
She is allergic to the following things:
1. Everything.
2. Even that.
She claims to be allergic to all but one brand of water. This isn't some high end Fiji brand, no it is some off brand stuff that is only found in her local grocery store. She is allergic to milk and chocolate, but not chocolate milk.
The last time I visited she told me the story about someone gifting them a bottle of scotch that I found out retails at about $150 a bottle. My grandparents don't drink, but instead of giving it to someone that does, she poured it down the drain. She is very proud of that.
I love my grandmother to the legal minimum. I tolerate her beyond that.
Knowing that about 85% of my time would be tending to my grandmother's whims, I turned down the offer. But then the dreams started.
They aren't exactly recurring, more like a continuing story. They take place in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where I live in a shitty apartment, and don't have a job. Or friends. Or money. But I have my grandparents demanding I come every day. By the way, that is like a 45 min drive.
As my life started to rock out here, life in my dreams started to suck even more. In one dream, I was robed. The next night, dream me still had nothing, but part of the dream was filling out paperwork for the police.
Here is where it gets weird for me. Over Christmas I went back to Michigan. I flew to Michigan and then drove my grandfather to my cousin's college graduation in Tennessee. During the trip my entire family started pushing me to move back. It got to the point that I finally asked why me?
Turns out that my family thinks I'm a loser. My careers are ones that can be done anywhere, so they aren't important. I'm not interested in marriage, so I can't commit to anything. And I took the steps nessary to ensure I will never breed, so there is nothing keeping me to this state. All these things mean I can drop everything and start my careers over... Again. But this time putting even that on the back burner for other people.
It sure was nice of my family to remind me why I live 3000 miles away from them. If only it could somehow be further...
When I came home, things got rough in the real world. I already wrote about the loss of the job, but also the weight of knowing that no matter what I do, it won't mean shit to my family takes some time to adjust my mindset.
And dream Brandon is doing great. He has this job in a hotel bar, and just got both a new apartment, but a big raw space for some kind of business. He even has a cat. It is no Tommy, but it is something. So his life is on the upswing and it makes me not want to wake up, and when I eventually do, it takes everything in me to not cry.
If I repeat to myself "I am not a loser" enough times, will I eventually believe it? Or is this like science and extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof?
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